Shower
by soda-denial
Summary: Zim/Dib. Zim comes into Dib's bathroom as the boy is showering. Strange confessions ensue.


**Disclaimer** : I don't own anything . . . but my terrible hunger . . . I want food. D:

**Characters** : Zim, Dib, Gaz

**Warnings** : Male/Male, CRACK.

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**Shower**

**I**t had started relatively peacefully; just Dib humming to himself in the shower. When he heard a crash coming from the other side of the flowered shower curtain, he whirled around, and watched as a small shadow appeared on the other side of the curtain.

Soon, the flowered pieces of material, that separated the shower from the outside, were flung open and there stood a very angry, yet confused Zim.

"AHH!" Dib yelled, grabbing a hold of the shower curtain and covering himself.

"Dib-stink," Zim said, seriously.

"ZIM GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!! I'M TRYING TO SHOWER!!!" Dib yelled. Zim blinked.

"'Shower'?"

Dib glared at him. "You're telling me you don't know what a shower is . . .?"

"OF COURSE ZIM KNOWS WHAT A SHOWER IS!!! FOR ZIM IS BRILLIANT!!!" Zim yelled.

Dib raised an eyebrow, and reached for a towel. "Sure, Zim, then, tell me what it is . . ." Dib said, smugly, after firmly wrapping the towel around his waist.

Zim stayed quiet for a minute, and Dib began to brush his teeth. When Zim stayed quiet for one second too long, Dib glanced at the Irken.

Zim had a slight blush on his face and he was staring at Dib's skinny frame. Dib frowned. "Oi, Zim!" he yelled.

Zim immediately snapped out of it. "What, stupid human?" he asked, angrily.

"You were staring at me!" Dib exclaimed. Zim scowled.

"I was not! Zim does not stare at ugly worm-babies!" Zim yelled.

"But you just were staring at me..." Dib pointed out.

Zim shook his head, violently. "No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!!! ZIM DOES NOT STARE AT WORM-BABIES!!! ESPECIALLY ONES LIKE DIB-STINK!!!" Zim yelled.

"But--"

"Ah!" Zim interrupted.

Dib glared at Zim and opened his mouth to speak again. As soon as Dib started a word, Zim interrupted him again. Dib's glare intensified.

"Zim--"

"Ah!"

"You--"

"Ah!"

"ZIM!!"

"Hahaha . . . Stupid human . . ."

Dib rolled his eyes. "Zim, I've been doing a lot of research on Irkens, and so far, I've come up with this; Irkens fall in, what humans call, 'love' only once, and if their love doesn't return the feelings, then they go completely insane," Dib said, randomly changing the subject.

Zim blinked, then scowled. "Yes, that is correct . . ." he said, suspiciously.

Dib smiled, in a rather creepy way. "So . . . uh, which one are you? Insane or not in love yet?" he asked, pulling on a pair of boxers, careful not to let Zim see anything.

Zim glared at the paranormal investigator. "Dib-stink, how dare you insult Zim like that!" he exclaimed, trying his best not to stare at Dib again.

Dib rolled his eyes. "Answer the question, Zim," he said.

"ZIM IS NEITHER!" was the yell that escaped the Irken's mouth.

Dib rolled his eyes, once again. He pulled a shirt over his head. "Are you sure?" Dib asked, pulling his pants on.

Zim continued glaring at the human. "Yes, Zim is positive that I am not in love . . . or insane," Zim replied, his tone a bit more icy than normal.

"Ok, well then, Zim, would you kindly remind me why the hell you're in my bathroom?" Dib asked.

Zim blinked. "What?" he asked, in spite of himself.

Dib sighed. He had forgotten how hard it was to have a conversation with Zim. "Alien, get out of my house . . ." Dib ordered, in a slightly tired voice.

Zim shook his head. "Zim has something important to tell Dib-stink . . ." Zim replied.

Dib stared at him. A minute of silence passed. "Well . . . What is it?" Dib asked.

"What is what?" Zim asked back. Dib groaned. He was on the verge of banging his head on the wall. It would surely be better than talking to Zim.

"The thing you needed to tell me!" Dib yelled out.

"Oh . . . Right. Zim came to tell Dib that . . ." Zim's voice trailed off as he looked down at the floor. Dib frowned at this odd action.

"A-Actually, the Dib-human has guessed what I have come here to say," Zim said, not taking his gaze off the floor.

Dib blinked. "What? Zim . . . You're . . . in love?" Dib asked, rather slowly. "With who?!"

Dib found himself worried at this. At the moment, he just figured it was because if he didn't have Zim to fight with, he'd have nothing to do.

Zim didn't answer. Dib poked at the green boy. "Who?" he asked again.

Zim still didn't reply. Dib began to get mad. "C'mon, Zim! You can't just come here and tell me you're in love without telling me who! I'm practically the only person who cares about you!" Dib yelled before thinking about his choice of words.

Zim finally looked up. "What did the Dib just say? Zim wants you to repeat it!" Zim ordered. Dib's face flushed.

"Err . . . I said . . . that I cared . . . about . . . you . . ." Dib admitted. Zim's eyes narrowed.

"And why would the pathetic human, Dib, possibly think that caring for me, Zim, would be good for either of us?" Zim asked, impatiently.

Dib blinked. "I'm not . . . sure . . ."

"Stupid human . . ." Zim muttered again, before turning his attention towards the sink and mirror.

"Well? Who do you love?" Dib asked, refusing to let the alien have an easier time. Zim looked back at Dib.

"Why would Zim tell you, Dib-bug?" Zim asked.

Dib was ready to take a gun and shoot one of them. It didn't really matter which one, just as long as he didn't have to talk to Zim any longer.

"Because, Zim," Dib spoke slowly, "you said you came here to tell me who you love."

"Why would Zim say that?"

"I have no idea! Now tell me, or get out!" Dib yelled, right in Zim's face.

Zim glared at him for a moment. "ZIM is not leaving!"

"THEN TELL ME!"

"Zim doesn't want to tell you now, human!"

Dib sighed. "Get out of my house then," he said, icily.

"NO!" Zim yelled defiantly. He ran out of the bathroom, and ran right into Gaz. Dib came flying out behind him.

"Oh, dammit Zim," he muttered, noticing how mad Zim had made Gaz. She was lightly growling, as if it was a warning tone. Zim didn't quite interpret it the way she wanted him to.

"Why is this human pig growling like an Earth dog?!" he asked, loudly. Gaz immediately stopped and raised one hand over her head. Zim eyed the hand then Gaz's face, wondering if she was actually going to hit him.

Unfortunately for him, she did. Dib closed his eyes out of pure instinct, although he may have enjoyed watching Zim getting the snot beaten out of him. When Dib opened his eyes again, he saw Zim looking as bad as he did when Tak had poured BBQ sauce all over him. Dib almost smirked, but stopped himself. He did still have a shred of compassion left for the alien, even though it was surely not returned.

"Ugh . . ." Zim moaned.

Gaz glared at Dib then continued on her way down to the kitchen. Dib walked over to Zim and stared at him.

"Moron," he said.

Zim glared up at Dib as best as he could. "Shut up, human stink-beast!"

"You know, I would shut up and leave you alone if you would only tell me who you love," Dib said, hoping this would attract the alien far enough to get an answer out of him.

"The Dib is lying," Zim said, not batting an eyelash.

Dib narrowed his eyes. He seriously wanted to kill the alien at this point.

"Zim, look, you came here to tell me who you loved. You said that. Now, either tell me, or get out of here," Dib said, trying to control his extreme anger. It was Zim's turn to narrow his eyes.

"Zim has come to believe that I am in love with the Dib-stink. Zim does not like this, but he at least accepts it," Zim told Dib, not arguing any further. Dib's eyebrows shot up and, much to his dislike, his face went a little bit pink.

"A-Are you serious? You're not trying to say this for some kind of strange and annoying plan to destroy me?" Dib asked, nervously.

". . .?" Zim stared at Dib, a confused look on his face. Dib blinked, then Zim chose to reply. "Why would someone as _superior_ as ZIM lie to the stupid human-pig?"

Dib blinked. Then he realized that Zim wouldn't lie about this kind of thing. I mean, if Irken's only fall in love once, then Zim wouldn't know about lying about this kind of thing. It was probably illegal on Irk to lie.

Dib sighed. "Alright Zim, I believe you," he said. "But . . ." Dib's voice trailed off, wondering what he could say to this.

There was a pause between the two as Dib thought of a possible way to respond to Zim's declaration.

". . . What . . . do you want me to say?" Dib finally asked. Zim shrugged.

"Something that won't make me insane," he replied, non-chalauntly. Dib's eyes widened as he realized what the alien wanted. Dib sighed, really not knowing how to reply. Dib felt as if his head was about to explode. This was nothing he'd ever had to deal with. This sucked.

"Ummm . . ." Dib's voice trailed off nervously; he was still void of an answer. Zim blinked. He had to change the humans mind, because, at this moment, Zim knew the answer would be something… negative.

Dib was staring down at the ground, and Zim chose this opportunity to press his lips against Dib's. The human's eyes widened and his glasses slipped down his nose a little bit.

Zim pressed harder on Dib's lips, and snaked his alien tongue out and slid it along severely chapped lips, pleading for a way in. A small slip was opened up and Zim forced his tongue inside.

He ran it along the other's tongue, causing an interesting sound to be emitted from the back of Dib's throat; a low, whimpering sound. Zim took this as a good sign. He pressed further into Dib's mouth, causing the human to gag.

Zim withdrew his tongue and stared at Dib. Dib coughed slightly, then looked at Zim, with half-lidded eyes. Zim smirked and Dib's knees found themselves unable to support the rest of his body, so Dib crumbled to the floor.

"Uhm, you know, Zim, I think we may be able to work something out so you don't go more insane, okay?" Dib asked, unable to look Zim in the face, his face bright red.

Zim's smirk grew, as did his already incredibly large ego. "ZIM knew the Dib would see it Zim's way," he replied, smugly.

Dib couldn't help but smile.

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-cough- Not my best work. ;;  
I think I just chipped my tooth. Weird.

-Taryn


End file.
